The Recovering Choir Director

Sung to Tom Conry’s “Anthem”, probably one of the hardest songs to parody on account of its structure. I didn’t find a suitable parody on the Internet, so this indeed was necessary.

Refrain:
We are cold, we are frozen,
We are stuck to one another.
They’ll have fixed the line tomorrow
Though they said that yesterday.
Huddled up, we can’t number
The utility’s deceits,
We won’t tolerate these blunders:
we’ll be switching from gas heat.

Come springtime we’ll intensify
the study of our needs -
Can nothing else but coal or lumber
give us respite from the winter?
And if we decide on oil,
Can they ship it to the site?
What is safest, most reliable?
What is right? (Refrain)

In cost should we be justified,
or pure efficiency?
How many square feet are we heating?
Should we measure cubic footage?
Buy a boiler or a stove?
Answers won’t help us tonight,
All we know is that we’re freezing -
That ain’t right! (Refrain)

But will we even get to March?
It’s twenty-five below!
And all we have is one darn candle
and a match we used before.
Wait—the neighbors just arrived
Bearing firewood and a light!
Come on, all, lets ask if we can
stay the night… (Refrain)

[For the record, I have electric heat. Boogie-oogie-oogie.]