The Recovering Choir Director

Alternate lyrics from this lukewarm Knicks fan, commemorating the lopsided Chicago-New York rivalry of the late ’80s—early ’90s.

On Jordan’s Bank the Bulls did win
the New York Knicks were beat again!
Chicago dances in the streets
as Spike Lee’s entourage retreats.

Pat Riley and his gelled-up ‘do
did teach those Knicks a thing or two,
But when it came to Jackson’s crew
New York was turned into Doo Doo.

“Smith! Smith! Smith! Smith!” Marv Albert said
as Charles put fans’ hopes to bed -
His shots were blocked, Chicago made
That six-ten guy look four-foot-eight.

Though time has passed, those bygone days
Of wayward shots and botchéd plays
Live on—Those Eastern Conf’rence teams
Play crappy basketball, it seems! (Amen.)